It is true that being honest with yourself about any less than fantastic qualities is difficult. One of the things about myself that I struggle with is my "judgement gene". I am a kind person who is accepting of anyone and everyone. I could care less whether you are a purple, gay, homeless, ten-times divorced person. I like real people who have a kind heart and act with integrity - period. In fact, I truly appreciate peoples differences and the diversity that exists when people are true to their authentic soul.
In spite of all of this, I have a voice in my head that judges people silently all the time. Some examples of what my "judgement gene" might say on any given day:
Really? A whole tub of cheese puffs and 3 boxes of sugar cereal. I certainly hope you do not think you are taking care of your kids if you are feeding them that shit.
She has cellulite on her thighs. I hope I don't look like that from behind. Note to self, check thighs in sunlight before going out in public.
Those pants are not flattering on you.
Of course you are going to stop at every sample station in Costco - can you at least move your f-ing cart over while you wait for the cheese puffs to finish cooking.
Why don't you do yourself a favor and not turn into the McDonald's parking lot.
Really mean, right? I know and it makes me sad.
There is also another voice that argues with my "judgement gene" which is much kinder and I believe a more authentic representation of my heart. I know it must sound like my heads a little noisy. I want my "judgement gene" to shut the heck up. I want to know where it came from. I want to know why it thinks it has the right to judge anyone. If I had never read People magazine and seen them blow up some poor celebrities ass to 8x11 in order to show that they had normal dimples on their thighs, then would I still deal with my "judgement gene" pointing it out on other people? If I hadn't been told by every magazine I ever read that skinny is the only way to be beautiful would I see through different eyes? I don't know. It does frustrate me. As a trainer, as a woman and as a mom I feel it is important that we find the stop/reset button ASAP. It is not easy though.
I am working on retraining my voice. I don't read magazines anymore. In fact, I am seeing what happens if I just stay away from as much media as possible. I do think it is helping and it is making the reprogramming of my inner voice a little easier. I also make a point to say the nice things out loud to people. It takes away the "judgement genes" power when I give the kinder side an actual voice. It also is an amazing feeling to see someones reaction when I give them a genuine compliment.
Me and my "judgement gene" still go at least ten rounds a day, but my authentic voice always gets the last word.
~Lisa
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